


Sorry Honey, the Voidfish Made Me Fuck Your Brother

by EdgarAllenPoet



Series: Lucretia's Volumes [My Balance Fics] [19]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Anal Sex, Drinking & Talking, Drunk Sex, M/M, Pre-Canon, Sex Magic, Size Difference, fuck sazed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:28:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21748306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdgarAllenPoet/pseuds/EdgarAllenPoet
Summary: Barry's life is weird.  He wakes up in a cave with no memories and is following orders from a particularly bossy coin.  When he meets someone handsome and friendly in a tavern, he can't quite talk him out of having a little bit of fun.Which he barely even thinks about, until their memories come crashing back to him.  Thankfully his family has an excellent sense of humor.
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Barry Bluejeans/Taako, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Series: Lucretia's Volumes [My Balance Fics] [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1556773
Comments: 17
Kudos: 216





	Sorry Honey, the Voidfish Made Me Fuck Your Brother

**Author's Note:**

> This is my hundredth fic. I was going to write something NICE. and WhAT do I write!? THIS. 
> 
> It is a shame that some of my best wordplay has been put into a smut fic. It is quite unfortunate. Why can't I spin prose like this when I'm actually trying? 
> 
> I will not apologize. We're all here to have fun.

_Fuck away the pain_

_Erase him from your brain_

_Fake it like you love me_

_Come on baby touch me_

_Fuck Away the Pain-- Divide the Day_

* * *

Barry was having a hell of a day, a hell of a week, a hell of a life-- which if that little voice in the coin was to be believed, was only a few months long. He woke up in a cave of all places, lost out of his mind, sore and dead tired, to find a room full of belongings that certainly seemed to belong to him but that he didn't recognize. He found a coin, and within that coin, he'd found instructions, and that was how he ended up where he was. 

Or, not exactly where he was. The coin hadn't told him to go to the tavern, but he deserved a drink after everything. Especially after following orders from his disembodied voice. 

Barry was tired, and he needed a nap, so he went to the tavern and he drank. 

The tavern was half full, not enough to be busy, but not empty enough to be quiet. Barry was three pints in and glancing around the place when his eyes landed on an elf down the way. They were a bundle of long, bulky, raggedy robes, multiple jingly bracelets on their wrists, a rucksack tucked under their bar stool with a strap wrapped firmly around the ankle-- someone who was no stranger to being robbed. The boot on that ankle came to mid-calf and was well worn and tearing a bit at the toe, scuffed all to hell and back. They downed a shot and slammed the glass back on the bar with enough force to draw Barry's attention back up to their head-- as well as the attention of half the bar-- before the elf slumped over onto the bar, knocking the oversized pointed hat on their head askew. 

The hat itself looked as old as time, as if it had been dragged through the dirt for a hundred years and back, repaired with patches and decorated with little glitters and chains-- earrings, Barry realized. The elf had pierced through the brim of his hat with earrings, as well as a single fishing hook.

Barry couldn't tell you why in any words that made sense, but something about the elf drew Barry closer like a tether in the middle of his gut, wrapped around his spine and tugging incessantly. Barry wasn't one to ignore confusing and paranormal instructions these days, so he went.

He picked up the hat off the floor where it had fallen, brushed some dust off, and handed it over to the elf who didn't pay him the slightest bit of attention. The elf had his forehead against the bar, shoulder-length blonde hair falling in curtains around his face. 

It was strange to see an elf with cut hair, Barry thought to himself, and then shook the thought away with a crease between his eyebrows. Elves could do whatever they wanted with their hair, just like anyone else, where had that thought even come from? Must have been from the other planet, Barry found himself thinking, and he decided with a frown that he either needed to stop drinking for the night or drink a hell of a lot more. 

The elf sighed heavily, slim shoulders shuddering, and Barry considered tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention before thinking better of it. Some strangers weren't keen on being touched, and it was better safe than sorry when you were trying to make friends. 

Instead, he cleared his throat once-- too quiet-- and again-- a touch too loud, but the elf paid him no mind. Barry frowned again, considered setting the hat down and leaving, but then the bartender appeared across from them and said, "Another, pal?" to the elf, and "How about you, buddy?" 

And the elf lifted his head to look at the bartender first, then at Barry, and then he snatched his hat from Barry's hands with a suspicious glare and pointed a clumsy finger gun at the bartender. 

"Something slow and easy, my dude," he said, which was disorienting enough that when the bartender raised an expectant eyebrow in Barry's direction, he ordered the same. 

The bartender rolled his eyes and went to fetch whatever it was they just ordered, while the elf next to him snorted a half-laugh and propped his head up, on one hand, leaning into the bar and surveying Barry with drooping eyelids. 

"Trying to steal my shit?" he asked, and Barry nearly took a step back in surprise. The booze made him feel brave though, so instead, he sat on the barstool next to him. 

"You dropped it," he answered without any charm, and the elf's lip quirked in a half-smile. It seemed this guy only did things half-way, as far as Barry had seen so far. 

The elf said, "Sure thing, kemosabe. I'm wise to your games. Can't pull the wool over ole' Taako's eyes." He picked up a mostly empty cup off the bar in front of him, peeked into it with one eye closed, then shrugged and shot the rest back. 

Barry'd left the remnants of his beer at the other end of the bar, gone forever and properly abandoned. He picked at a napkin instead, rolling the edge between his thumb and finger. 

"'Taako,' huh?" he asked, watching the elf's ears flatten immediately upon the realization of what-- in his mind-- must have been a mistake somehow. He looked properly horrified. Barry painted himself more friendly. "Barry," he introduced, holding his hand out. 

Taako sneered at it, taking up the offense, and said, "What's it to you?" 

And the items in Barry's cave suggested that, for some reason he couldn't remember, he was at least a recreational scientist. He was also, at the insistence of the coin, a pretty thorough biographer. More greatly, however, he was someone who kind of desperately wanted to get laid. 

It had been a long day. He wasn't ashamed of himself.

And this elf was so pretty in ways Barry couldn't even think about without giving himself a headache. There was an appeal to him, that tether around his spinal cord, and Barry just wanted to understand it, wanted to feel it, wanted to press closer and closer and shoo away whatever awful longing was gaping in his chest. 

The coin told him he was in love, and it was right when it said he could feel that longing like a knife in the back. 

But the coin hadn't given that person back to him, so, for now, he would have to take what he could get.

He said, "I'm a scientist. I like put names to the things I think are pretty," and the noise that came out of Taako's mouth was half-laugh and half-squawk.

"Big talk for a human," Taako said, and his finger trailed up Barry's arm raising goosebumps in his wake. "Maybe I don't mind it." 

"Maybe?" 

"Maybe if you buy me a drink." 

Their drinks were there, on the bar between them. Barry slid a few gold pieces towards the bartender, and Taako grinned like a Cheshire. They wasted the rest of their evening like that, passing the bill of buying drinks back and forth between the two of them until both were properly loaded and giggling into each other's shoulders, much to the disdain of the other patrons around them. 

The two of them got on like a house on fire, something about their humor just clicking. Taako was bitingly funny, and terribly mean about it, not something Barry was usually fond of. But maybe it was the liquor or maybe it was the sense of familiarity, but the blow was softened and Barry found himself dizzy from laughter. Joking and teasing quickly turned into storytelling-- more from Barry than Taako, as it seemed the latter was rather conservative with his secrets-- until it turned into full-on venting, and that was when Taako lost control.

All Barry had done was ask about the rucksack, ask if Taako was an adventurer or a wanderer, and then he'd gotten to hear all about Sazed. Sazed, who dumped him in the woods with a packed bag and little else, taking off into the night with Taako's carriage and home. Sazed, who was apparently oh so charming once upon a time, but had turned bitter and nasty. 

"And sure, no, I wasn't the nicest either, okay? We weren't a good couple. But that boy had a mean streak a mile high," Taako's face darkened at that statement. He said, "At least I don't throw hands during arguments." 

The surge of protectiveness that welled in Barry's chest was unprecedented, and it came so suddenly that it must have been the alcohol. It made Barry see red, made him angry, made him want to track down this Sazed character and give him what for. 

But that was crazy. Taako was a stranger. Taako was a stranger Barry had met in a bar, and they were both drunk enough to be halfway to Tuesday, and... and Taako's hand was trailing up Barry's thigh, stopping a few innocent inches above his knee. He said, "You're too soft to do anything mean, at least," voice clumsy from drink and eyes heavily lidded. Barry felt his face heating up. 

"Adorable," Taako cooed, and Barry's flush worsened. "Bet I could tear you apart." 

Barry wasn't so sure he wanted that, but he wasn't sure that he didn't, either. Some part of him made up its mind rather quickly, though, because he found himself asking, "You wanna get a room and test that?" 

And Taako smiled like the devil. 

They flagged down their very agitated bartender and bullied him into renting them a room upstairs for the night, which they quickly fled to after tossing him the gold he asked for, Taako keeping a tight grip on his rucksack with one hand and Barry with the other.

They stumbled up the stairs, down the hallway, and to the door that matched their key. Said door slammed behind them after they stumbled inside, and while Taako tossed his bag into the corner, Barry corraled him back against the door and let Taako pull him in with two hands on his lapels, stronger than Barry would have expected. 

From a grip on the collar to a hand planted firmly in the center of his chest, Taako leveled Barry with the kind of glare that could move mountains. He said, "Pull any kind of shit, and I'll magic missile you out the gods damned window." 

"Wouldn't dream of it," Barry promised, truthful, and while Taako didn't look like he believed him, he did pull him back in again. Barry was a little embarrassed by how being dragged around was affecting him. 

Their mouths crashed together, and just like their conversation, it was off to the races. They moved against each other, clumsy and a touch too wet with alcohol, and while Taako dragged Barry close by his collar, Barry found his hands and slid them down Taako's sides until they made their way to his thighs. He wrapped his hands around the slender limbs and hefted Taako up, into his arms and into the air, pushed back against the door to keep them upright as Taako smiled against his mouth and bit at his lip in retaliation. 

It was hard to determine any kind of shape under the truly impressive bulk of robes Taako had decorated himself in, the fabric bulbous under his hands and tangled between them, baggy sleeves falling down Taako's arms and exposing slender limbs and whipcord muscles. 

Even with the weight of the fabric, though, he was feather-light, easy to lift and hold onto, especially when he wrapped his legs around Barry's waist and threw his arms around Barry's neck, holding himself up. His fingers curled into the hair on the back of Barry's head, finding a handhold and pulling, and the moan that escaped Barry's mouth did not sound like his own. 

Taako bit at him again, tugged harder, rutted his hips forward. From their position against each other and their angle on the wall, he ended up grinding against Barry's stomach, just above his belly button. Not particularly sexy, but Barry had a lot of other things to focus on. 

He slid his hands up, readjusted, got two handfuls of Taako's ass through the safety layer of fabric and used that to keep them upright as they stumbled away from the door and towards the bed. Taako squeaked at the hold, surprised, but only laughed when Barry lowered them onto the bed as gently as he could manage, stumbling and dropping him last second. Taako dragged Barry with him, keeping them flush until Taako was laying on his back with Barry between his legs, one knee braced on the bed and the other foot still on the floor, holding him up. They were chest to chest. Barry could taste the liquor on Taako's tongue. 

Barry was far too drunk to be doing this, but he couldn't seem to make himself care. 

Still, when Taako's hand found it's way under his waistband and down the back of his pants, cupping firmly and tugging him closer, Barry found the willpower to pull himself out of the kiss and interrupt. 

"Hey," he said, and Taako's eyes glinted with something amused and irritated. 

"Hey there," he said. 

"Hey, we, um. We're both drunk." 

"Yeah, bud, probably from all the alcohol." 

Barry's drunk dumb brain thought, 'yeah probably,' and he shook the thought from his head, annoyed. He said, "Just tell me to stop if you want me to." 

"Why would I want that?" Taako asked. 

"Just tell me. I'm not a dick, not like--" 

Taako snorted, he yanked Barry closer again. He said, "That's very sweet, but don't talk like you know me, capiche? Cha'boy didn't spill his feelings so we could talk about them in the bedroom."

"That's fair." 

"Do you want to stop?" 

"No?"

"Then take your pants off." 

And well, as Barry said earlier, he was very practiced at following instruction. He pushed himself back off the bed with little trouble, got his belt undone and his pants halfway down his legs before realizing he'd have to take his boots off to remove them the rest of the way. He sat down on the edge of the bed to do so while Taako snickered to himself, and when Barry finally managed to get himself all sorted-- no pants, no boots, shirt a touch too big and hanging down almost low enough to tent over his dick-- he turned back to find Taako standing on the bed, tossing robes to the floor carelessly and wiggling out of an airy blouse he'd been wearing underneath. 

Taako met his gaze, and while his lips quirked in a smile, his ears flicked back anxiously. He held eye contact for just a second before setting to work unfastening the thick belt around his waist, and untying the front of his pants. Barry stepped in without invitation and took the job from him, kneeling on the bed to get Taako's slacks untied and tugged down, making the mattress dip so that Taako had to grab onto his shoulders to keep his balance. 

Pants removed with some precarious balancing, and underclothes tossed aside, Taako fell back onto the bed with a bounce and raised an eyebrow in Barry's direction.

"Keeping the shirt on?" he asked, and Barry shrugged and shucked it. Taako's eyes swept over him, and Barry ran the same customary scan, letting his eyes linger from head to toe. 

Hidden under the bulk of fabric, Taako was secretly gorgeous. All tan skin decorated in perfect little freckles and moles, small dark nipples that sat flat on his chest. His ears were long and expressive, pierced through with tiny rings the same as his hat had been. His body hair was nearly invisible, translucent, normal for elves but still barely-there soft when Barry crawled back on the bed and ran his hand up Taako's leg. 

Taako's ears twitched, jingling slightly. He grinned. He said, "Like what you see, then?" 

And Barry said, "How could I not?" 

It was almost mystifying, the way Taako's form danced in his head like a memory just barely scratching the surface. Familiar, but not quite. Barry was losing it. He was drunk. He had a beautiful elf spread out under him, with warm, calloused hands and searing hot lips. Barry let himself be distracted. 

Taako pulled him into another kiss, and it was a whole new sensation of skin against skin as they pressed chests together. Barry felt embarrassed by his own weight, the pudge he couldn't quite shake despite training and working and fighting. "You're so soft, fuck," Taako mumbled against his mouth, grabbing at his hips hard enough to bruise. Barry's breath hitched, and somehow it felt like a compliment. They traded tongues, breathed into each other, and found themselves grinding into each other's hips without any conscious thought to it.

Taako pulled at his hair, clutched onto his shoulders, and kissed him like the world was ending. Barry was groaning into his mouth, wrapping his arms around him to pull him closer and closer, as close as he could manage, that damned primal longing wanting to crush Taako into his chest until they fused together. Taako's hand wrapped around the back of Barry's neck, tugged him right where he wanted him, and then trailed down his side with sharp, scratching fingernails. They tickled over his ribs, and Barry grunted, and Taako smirked against his mouth before digging them in. 

Barry couldn't help the yelp that bubbled out of him as he pulled back enough to swat Taako's hands away, and Taako chuckled-- pleased as a peach-- and grabbed at his hip again, tugging him closer and making them both moan from the friction of their heats against each other. 

"Fuck," Barry muttered. 

"Wanna?" Taako replied. 

"How do you wanna...?"

"Just do what I tell you, pumpkin." 

Pumpkin was not the sexiest of pet names, but that mattered very little when Taako arched off the bed a bit, reaching down to feel himself and whispering a quick phrase on the tip of his tongue, which Barry recognized as a cantrip-- although he didn't know which one, specifically. 

"It's been a hot minute, my dude, you're gonna have to go slow," Taako told him, taking Barry's hand and guiding it down between his legs. He parted them a bit farther, and Barry sat back on his heels to watch what he was doing properly, his other hand laying gently on Taako's inner thigh up by the knee. 

"Start with one-- ah fuck!" Taako's instruction bit off into a surprised cry as Barry did what he was told, moving slowly and pushing in past the tight muscle. Taako twitched, hips bucking up, face screwing up with his eyes pressed closed. 

Barry pet his thigh, making Taako squint an eye open at him. "Not gonna break," he complained, squirming again. He pushed back against Barry's hand, let out a long breath through his teeth, and then relaxed. 

He said, "Another, and move with it." Barry obliged, adding a second finger, and eventually a third, while Taako swallowed back groans and got used to the feeling, slowly relaxing under it and flushing pink from the tips of his ears to the center of his chest, a beautiful sunset on his sunkissed skin. 

"How do you get this tan under all of those robes?" Barry asked, curious and uninhibited between the drink and the intimacy. 

Taako hummed in the back of his throat and said, "Hard not to with the two..." he trailed off, face going blank for a split second before he looked suddenly lost, confused. "Huh..." he muttered. "Guess I just tan easy. Fuck you, maybe I was born this way." 

"Just curious." 

"Gotta hide the goods from the public eye," Taako teased, then squirmed again, hips wriggling. "Okay, okay, get on with it already, fuck." 

"You ready?" 

"Yes, jeez, don't fucking tease me." 

Barry laughed and leaned in to press a kiss to his hip, the tender skin over the pelvis, and Taako's breath fluttered out of him. 

"Fuck you." 

"I'm working on it, hold on." He eased his hand away and cleaned it with another cantrip, not keen to get their rented bed any stickier than it had to be. He took Taako's hips in both hands, reveling in the feeling of bones under soft skin, muscle tensing and jumping under the touch, and he pulled him down the bed a bit, just enough to help him line up. Taako lifted his hips at Barry's urging, feet planted against the mattress, and when Barry lined up and started to push in Taako tensed and choked on his breath, then sagged like deadweight when Barry slowly, carefully managed to bottom out. 

"Fuck," Taako muttered. "Ah fuck, fantasy Jesus, gimme a second." 

"Take your time," Barry said, finding it easy to keep himself propped up against the mattress with one hand and hold Taako up against him with his other against the small of the elf's back. Taako took a deep breath or two, wrinkling his nose up a bit, and he groaned when he rolled his hips up experimentally. Barry's eyes flashed with stars from the pleasure. 

"Oh," he said, without meaning to, and Taako grinned. He wrapped his legs around Barry's hips, locking his ankles against his flanks and tugging him closer. Barry jolted forward. Taako bit his lip.

"Okay," he said, grinning and flushed and pupils blown from sensation and alcohol. "Go for it." 

The barrage of sensations was nearly overwhelming, the tight strangling heat around his cock, the sweat prickling on his skin, the pleasure that shot up and down his spine like one of those hammer games at the carnival. Like being run through with a live wire. Taako clutching onto him, his legs looped around his hips, the heels of his feet bumping against Barry's ass with every thrust, his soft, soft skin braced against Barry's thighs, the slap of their skin and slight sting of it as Taako urged him to go faster, fuck, yes, faster!

His hands went from clutching the bedding to holding Barry's shoulders, fingernails digging in and sending pain signals spiraling and mixing with the pleasure and making his head spin.

Barry's muscles were burning, and he dropped from his hands to his elbows on the bed, braced over Taako and bracketing him completely. He had a thought in the back of his mind that Taako might not appreciate it, considering overbearing ex-boyfriends and all, and he prepared himself to be shoved away and told to fuck off. Instead, though, Taako wrapped his arms around his neck and tugged him impossibly closer, until Barry barely had room to move and could hardly think around the sparks dancing behind his eyes, put there by Taako's mouth sucking a bruise on his neck.

Barry found himself moaning, thrusting faster, and Taako was half off the bed at this point, his ass and half of his back sliding up the ramp of Barry's thighs as they pressed closer, closer, his dick rutting against Barry's stomach with each thrust, pressed tight between the two of them and leaving a pool of wet on their skin.

Adjusting his balance, Barry propped himself up on one elbow and snaked the other hand between him, struggling with the angle for a moment before getting Taako's length in his hand and squeezing in time with his thrusts. 

Taako hissed in a pained breath, muttered, "Fuck, wait," and in the second it took Barry to freeze, Taako mumbled something else under his breath and Barry found his hand absolutely soaked. 

"Huh," he said, and gave a testing squeeze as he pulled out halfway before thrusting back in, and Taako’s moan was high-pitched and airy as he started to come apart under his fingertips. He trembled all over as Barry sped up, thrusting harder and faster and as deep as he could manage, and Taako held him close enough to muffle pleasured cries into his shoulder. He held so tight that Barry could hardly move, that he had to work to tear himself away as that familiar heat pooled in the pit of his gut. 

He pulled out when he felt himself going over the edge, and as if reading his mind, Taako reached down between them to wrap his hand-- slender, delicate, calloused, so fucking strong-- around Barry and pump him into orgasm. Barry shuddered over him, barely keeping himself upright as he unloaded onto Taako's stomach. Taako pulled him through it until he started to soften under his hand, and after a few seconds to get his bearings straight, Barry dropped down between Taako's legs and took the head of his cock into his mouth. 

He wrapped his lips around it and traced the slit with his tongue, hand still working below it, and that was apparently enough for Taako to come-- hips jolting up off the bed with a force that would have choked him had Barry not been holding him down, a noise that was nearly a scream muffled under the hand he'd clamped over his mouth.

Barry finished him off, gagging slightly, and once Taako collapsed bonelessly into the bed Barry sat back and spit the contents into his hand before banishing it away. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, met Taako's eyes, and then Taako burst out laughing hysterically. 

"Shut up," Barry complained, half grinning. "I wasn't expecting--"

Taako howled with laughter. "You're the one who put your mouth down there!" he hollered, cracking himself up, kicking his feet in the air, and Barry narrowed his eyes and forced away laughter of his own. 

"I've never exactly done this before, give me a break." 

"Never?" 

"Not with a guy, I don't think. I'm not--" Barry couldn't actually remember the last time he'd fucked anyone. It couldn't... there was no way it was all the way back in graduate school, but the gaps between his early work in academia and the present day were massive cloudy chasms of time he could only fill with his best guess. He'd had sex since then, he'd had to have, he just couldn't remember. 

Taako was still snickering, rolling off the bed and stretching his arms above his head, spine popping as he went. Parts of him were flushed and marked, and Barry studied and cataloged them as Taako moved around the room. He was still glowing from ears to chest, though it was fading with each passing second. His mouth was bright and a little swollen. There were red splotches on his hips, roughly in the shapes of Barry's hands, and he was pink from tailbone to midthigh from the repeated smacking of Barry's hips against him. There were tiny, barely-there bruises on his thighs, probably from Barry's fingertips while carrying him.

Barry took this extra time to watch him, fascinated by the set of his shoulders and the curve of his spine, the jut of his hip bones and slight softness around his tummy, the muscles that moved under his skin as he walked around, gathering up his clothes, and-- wait. 

"Wait, are you leaving?" Barry asked, sitting up, and Taako froze in place, surprised. 

"Um, yeah?" he said, making it sound like a question. "This was just, like, a quick little thing, right?" 

"Well, yeah, but." 

"Cha'boy doesn't do, um, pillow talk and all that. Not really looking for any kind of--" 

"No, no of course not," Barry said, because obviously. They were strangers. They'd just met. He'd just thought-- "I mean, you don't have anywhere else to go tonight, right?"

Taako's posture straightened, his eyes narrowed, and his ears flattened back against his head. He dropped the robe he'd picked up to hang limply at his side in a clenched fist, and he asked, "What the fuck are you getting at?" 

For some reason, Barry wasn't put off by the sudden hostility. It felt... customary, almost, though that was absolute nonsense. Barry had spent all his time living in a cave, it seemed, maybe. Maybe he just wasn't used to normal social interaction. 

Either way, he motioned to the bag on the floor, considered the dark bags under Taako's eyes that must have appeared when he'd dropped some sort of glamour or disguise spell during their activities. There was dirt under Taako's fingernails, and his clothes were unwashed. His cheek bone was decorated with a green and fading bruise.

Barry realized suddenly that he'd actually picked up a hobo downstairs. A gorgeous, elven hobo, but a hobo nonetheless. He thought about Sazed, wondered what all had happened beyond Taako’s vague ramblings.

"I've been on the run before," Barry said, certain it was true but unable to remember the actual event. "Couldn't hurt to have someplace warm to sleep for the night." 

Taako looked Barry over and considered this before slowly dropping his robe back to the floor. He grabbed his underpants instead and slipped them on, then sat hesitantly on the edge of the bed, body language now closed off and cautious. Barry could feel himself coming off from his buzz as well, wondered how drunk Taako had been in comparison to him, what with that elven constitution and all. Though Barry had been four beers in when he'd met up with Taako in the first place, and the drinks Taako had ordered them had been fruity and fizzy and gentle. Elven something, probably. Hopefully they'd been on equal terms. Barry felt a bit embarrassed now that he was sobering up. His coin wouldn’t approve of this, probably.

"I suppose not," Taako said, "What do you know about garlic chicken?" 

He posed the question and looked ready to run, and Barry racked his brain for an answer. "I don't... I don't know anything about garlic chicken, I don't think? I don't know how to cook." 

"And my name doesn't mean anything to you?" 

Suspicious question, but it truly didn't. Barry shook his head. "No. Is it supposed to?" 

After a bit of studying Taako seemed to decide Barry was harmless, perhaps. He got back up off the bed, dug through his bag for a moment, and unearthed a small sheathed knife that he tucked into the waistband of his boxer shorts. Perhaps not, then. He added his wand to it, holstered at his hip, and he climbed back into bed. 

"Fine," Taako said, climbing under the covers and waving a hand at the mess they'd made, making it vanish away. "But cha'boy doesn't cuddle. Don't fucking think I'm a teddy bear or something." 

"Yeah," Barry said, suddenly and inexplicably feeling lonely again. Not the same, his brain told him. Not right. Not her. 

What the fuck? he thought back to himself, begging his mind to get a grip and stop being absolutely crazy for one damned minute.

"Night then," Taako said, curling up. 

The lights went off and the room fell into darkness, and it wasn't until a half hour later when Taako was snoring quietly into his pillow and Barry was half-asleep staring into the darkness, that he remembered elves didn't need to sleep. 

These elves do, his brain said, and he sighed at the thought and willed it away. 

He woke some hours later, in the middle of the night, to the feeling of something pressing up against him. He grumbled quietly, blinking sleep out of his eyes, and found himself as the little spoon with Taako tucked up tight against his back. He had a leg thrown over Barry's hips, his arms squeezing tight around his middle, his nose tucked into the space between Barry's shoulder blades. 

Barry sighed contentedly and fell back into the darkness. 

  
When he awoke in the morning, Taako was gone. Clothes, rucksack, dirty old boots all stole away. Barry sat up groggily in the morning light and rubbed at his eyes, wished for a drink of water, and wasn't surprised. It was well past sunrise, and Taako seemed the type to disappear long before it. 

It wouldn't be until weeks later, just before Phandalin, that he would meet the elf again. Taako appeared different, still scrappy but cleaner, holding the same swaggering confidence in his shoulders and the same lilt in his voice. 

They pretended the whole thing never happened, not saying a word because what was there to say. Taako delighted over learning Barry's full name, teasing him endlessly about it, and just like before Barry found himself drawn in by the cutting humor and sharp-toothed smile. 

  
\---

"Huh," Barry said to himself many, many months later. 

The story and song of the voidfish had been a real kick in the teeth for all of them, hard for the psyche to handle such an influx of memories at once. Things were lost, things were remembered in pieces, things popped up at random times in the shower and in the moments before bedtime. It had taken a while after the end of the apocalypse and all that to actually get their heads sorted out properly. 

That was why, it wasn't until nearly six months later, while Barry sat at the dinner table with half of their crew-- the twins were there, obviously, having taken up the gauntlet of cooking. Kravitz too, of course. Magnus was bouncing pretty frequently between Raven's Roost, Neverwinter, and the moon. Merle was there, kids in tow, and Angus too because the boy was growing and never one to turn down a free meal.

The others were off somewhere, Davenport wandering and Lucretia... doing whatever it was she kept herself busy with these days. Carey and Killian were in over their heads with wedding planning, and Barry didn't know them well yet, but any friend of Magnus's and all that. 

Anyways, it was at this dinner table with half of his family that Barry remembered. 

Taako took a bite of something and moaned like it was the best thing he'd ever tasted, slumping bonelessly in his chair and applauding himself with a few slow claps above his head while Merle complained-- ridiculously, one might add-- that there were children present. 

Barry froze in his seat, forkful halfway to his mouth, and stared at Taako with shocked, wide eyes. Taako caught his gaze and frowned back, and then suddenly shock overtook his face as well as they gaped at each other. 

"Hachi machi," Taako whispered. 

"Oh my gods," Barry added. 

"Barry Bluejeans, you son of a bitch." 

Hours later, while most everyone had turned in for the night on couches or spare beds or floor space, Lup's hysterical shriek would wake everyone from their slumbering as the boys spilled the news to her. 

"You FUCKED my HUSBAND!?" she screeched, howling with laughter and beating Taako mercilessly with a pillow. Taako giggled and gasped and did his best to hold his sister's attacks at bay, while Barry slumped against the wall and hid his flaming face behind his hands, and Kravitz stared lost and open-mouthed in the bathroom doorway.


End file.
